So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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