Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we're making bets on your personal life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
