what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I puked a lego.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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