he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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