He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
