My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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