Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
