So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
