Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
