just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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