Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We had to coat check the pizza.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
do nipples grow back?
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