So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
