I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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