Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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