I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
