sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i out mim tonsoeep
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