The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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