were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
