Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i dont even know how to be here
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize