Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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