I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i will never coherently bang her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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