Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
areolas are like halos for boobs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
