Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize