If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
