in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
