My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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