before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
