Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
