I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
