the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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