please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
