She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
