I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
