Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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