i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
