rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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