Banned from zoo.
Again?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
