It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
