i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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