i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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