btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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