I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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