If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
