I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize