I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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