I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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