i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
