we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
