That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
this just has baby written all over it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
