it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
