Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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