I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
