I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
