she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I could fuck to npr.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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