the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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