She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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