But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
