my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
