Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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