You're earring is so big in my mouth
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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