drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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