Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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