I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize