I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
