It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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