your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
