2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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