Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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