I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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