I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
