It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
