Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
